Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Every #MeToo Claim Doesn't Deserve a Man Hunt

Just because your story is true, doesn’t mean that hers it too. By now everyone has heard the story about Aziz Ansari and a girl using the name “Grace”. They had a bad date in which expectations may have been misaligned. I happen to believe that both their expectations were in alignment until probably around mid-dinner when “Grace” may have realized this was only going to be a one night stand with no hopes of being anything more.

Aziz Ansari may be guilty of not protecting his celebrity considering that meeting a girl at a party in Los Angeles is a hotbed (no pun intended) for plain Janes hooking up with celebrities. 

Grace was probably a bit starstruck. So she didn’t treat the situation like she would dating any other guy in Los Angeles. Seriously, if she met this guy on Tindr and he asked her to meet him at his place for a drink before dinner, she probably would've declined and either suggested they just meet at the restaurant or canceled the date altogether. BUT because Aziz is famous AND he plays this really likable, pro-female character on Master of None, Grace most likely had a lapse in judgment.  That’s easy to understand if you’re an impressionable girl.

I don’t doubt that she picked up cues during the date that this was going to be a hookup but like many, many women - when they like a guy, they think they can turn the situation around and create their fairytale. 

By all accounts, Grace probably told the story of the “bad” date with Aziz over and over again as an effort to get her peers to indulge in her shoulder rub with fame. I can hear it now, “Sooooo this one time I went out on a date with Aziz Ansari. You know the guy from Master of None. Yeah, and OMG, he totally 'ate me out’!…..” However, since #MeToo has gained so much attention, dear Grace is likely reconsidering her hot fling and her saucy story.

See, I totally get where Grace is coming from because I’ve had the same saucy conversation amongst my girlfriends. I’ve been there to hear too many, many of my Hollywood girlfriends who have dated someone of public interest. And in the age of #MeToo it’s so easy to be influenced by hearing other women’s stories of being sexually violated that you get lost in your own head about what actually happened and completely reassign context to the situation.

Memory, emotions, context and how we were feeling at that moment in time change. As someone who has been sexually violated, there is no afterthought of confusion about what happened. When you’ve been sexually violated, you know in real time. In order to make this work, we women are going to need to have a very humbling and difficult conversation. Every guy who hits on you, gives you a compliment, comes on to you and maybe even makes a misstep is not a vindictive violation against you.  


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authorHi. I’m Daisi. I’m a creative media personality (Modelpreneur) who’s helping more people understand the relationship between media and culture. My focus is on social media specifically (i.e. technology, communication, etc.); and how they impact culture and society.